This week, Kirsty Allsopp told her daughter to have children before her fertility drops off a cliff. This was bad because a) she’s taking no steps to have these dangerous cliffs fenced in b) her daughter doesn’t exist c) she didn’t really say that to her daughter, because her daughter doesn’t exist.

Harry Dymond is a man who notices the little things and tries to fix them. Like a dripping tap, or a box left behind in a skip. Unfortunately, he’s not so good at the big things, like seeing any purpose in life after retirement, or working out why his wife is on the point of leaving him. Then things get interesting. Way too interesting.

“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”

Last night I spoke at Oxford Brookes University about my experience of doing Plastic-Free July last year – and why I’ll be doing it again this year. My talk was part of the university’s Sustainability Week, organised by the Oxford Brookes sustainability team.

Buying spices in the supermarket always feels harder than it should be. I know they’re alphabetically ordered, so I look for basil between allspice and cinnamon, but fail to find it. Then I look down and see basil on a completely different shelf. I vaguely wonder why it’s on a different shelf, but I rationalise it away: “Maybe it’s a different brand or something.”

I’ve always tried to avoid blogging about the law. I’m wary of looking like That Guy, the one who thinks that a mixture of received wisdom and googling makes you practically a barrister because hey, this law stuff is easy. It’s a fine line between contributing to an online debate and suddenly turning into the Queen’s Counsel of the Comments Section, saying things like “I think you’ll find that’s technically assault,” when you really have no clue. It’s easier to steer clear of the whole subject. But... you can guess what’s coming next, can’t you? I’ve changed my mind.

Not long before Christmas, a Red Cross fundraiser knocked on my door. I took one look at him and said: “Sorry, I don’t set up direct debits with strangers on the doorstep.” He replied, “No, I’m actually collecting sponsorship for a bungee jump at the weekend.”

I said I would be happy to sponsor a bungee jump and went for my wallet – only to find him laughing. He’d been joking about the bungee jump and wouldn’t take any cash. So I closed the door and put my wallet away.

“You can see it’s not normal, though, can’t you?” my husband asked. A few days ago the Jehovah’s Witnesses popped by with a leaflet urging me to read some Bible verses. My response was to flip through my Bible looking up the verses, while getting annoyed that they’d supplied a reference for looking them up rather than just printing the relevant verses.

“I mean, it’s only a short bit. They could easily have fitted it all into the actual leaflet.”

“What are you doing?” “It’s not as if you’d have any copyright issues with the Bible. I mean, the authors are all dead.”

Last year I wrote about smartphones as enablers of antisocial noise levels

Dear [insert name of power company here],

I’m currently looking for electricity suppliers for my vibrant, up-and-coming house and I came across your website. We’re looking for an electricity supplier who can power the fridge, the washing machine and other electrical appliances. We want someone who can deliver electricity quickly as required, ideally in a no-fuss quirky way that “fits” with our house style.